“Yankees Suck!” The infamous slogan echoes through Fenway park. Shirts, signs, and hats display Boston's cynical motto. Head over to a Celtics game down at TD Banknorth and one can still be guaranteed to find a few sporting the gear screaming "Yankees suck!" during halftime. Catch the irony? Fans continue to chant the notorious slur at recreational events that have nothing to do with the Yankees, or even baseball for that matter. That’s merely the aggression and animosity that defines what makes a Massachusetts resident a Masshole.
The components of a Masshole are as follows. A Masshole is anyone who resides in the state of Massachusetts; drives horribly; chants “Yankees suck!” anywhere, anytime; believes being called a Masshole is a compliment; has bumper stickers displaying the name of some unknown Italian or Irish politician; hates everything about New York; and brags about the Red Sox, the Kennedys, Sam Adams beer, and Thanksgiving.
Children's attire displaying Masshole-ness
Simply put, an asshole from Massachusetts.
Examples of these Masshole tendencies include the following actions. As drivers, Massholes will slam on their brakes to daunt a tailgater, curse people who drive too slow, and in the same breath, purposely drive at turtle pace to taunt other motorists. A Masshole will complain New Hampshire is full of hicks, yet race there during the Christmas season to shop tax free. They will claim the Red Sox as a religion and defend the team until their last dying breath. A true Masshole will feel their stomach crawl when they meet someone wearing a Yankees hat, and then immediately check them off as a sworn enemy. And always, they remember to smile and say “thanks” when someone shouts Masshole at them through their car window.
A personal experience of my own might further help to exemplify the defintion. One fine New England afternoon, I was driving with my cousin from her home in New Hampshire--the Dark Side--to the heart and pride of New England--Massachusetts. Driving down 95 South, we get stuck behind a 60 mph-er. My cousin groans as she slows down to swerve around him.
“What the heck! I’m really sorry Tiff, but you guys really are Massholes. You’re either driving too fast or way too slow.” says Kellie Georgopolous, a lifetime resident of the "Live Free or Die" state.
Naturally, she couldn't help but continue to spit out the ways as to why the Commonwealth state was full of ignorant drivers. Trying to stray away from Masshole stigmas--such as getting into fist fights with anyone who steps on your toe--I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut.
Kasey Bingham, a Massachusetts dweller all her life, tries to defend the reason behind the Masshole assertiveness.
“We taunt people from other states. Even if they’re New Englanders too, we still make fun of them as if they shouldn’t be here. But I mean, have you seen people from Maine drive? Come on! Get out of the fast lane if you’re going sixty!” says Bingham, a Littleton resident.
Restaurant entrepreneur Scott Plath, a true New Yorker, has lived in Massachusetts for over 20 years now. He has no problem advertising his love for the New York Mets and Giants around the Bay state. Plath believes Boston fans take it too far with the “Yankees Suck” memorabilia.
“You never see a New Yorker walking around with a “Red Sox Suck” T-shirt. It’s a little too much,” says Plath. “It lacks class. Root for your team without disrespecting the other team.”
Other Massachusetts residents, like Amy Goldthwaite, possess the Boston pride but can acknowledge when enough is enough.
“We lose a game and start a riot in Boston!” says Goldthwaite, of Lowell. “We’re really just assholes,” she says with a chuckle.
Whether it’s defending the deletion of the consonant R in our speech, or why the Red Sox couldn’t win a World Series in almost a century, there is a passion there that is hard not to appreciate. Massachusetts residents may possess a bit more anger than any other state, but let's look at the facts. They live in one of the most expensive states in the U.S; understandably they may be a bit testy from being dead broke all the time. Perhaps Massholes could take it down a notch with the “Yankees Sucks” gear. Is it really necessary to have it on the coffee mugs? And the road rage. Well, maybe a few classes of anger management wouldn’t hurt. Other than that, there seems to be no problem with their expressive ways. Ignorant—no. Prideful—yes!
As The Dropkick Murphys, a band noted for their Boston pride, like to shout, "For Boston, for Boston, thy glory is our own. For Boston, for Boston, tis here that truth us known."
Red Sox fanatic at Boston parade (2007)
Very funny and entirely true. Good use of pictues, maybe you could link to one of the many songs we have the boasts our Masshole pride. Especially good way to lead, I think. It's the first thing I think of when think of ourselves as massholes!
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